Friday, August 15, 2014

Don't Even know where to start

This is a very personal post for me. I decided to write to let it out of my chest. I have been struggling. As a teenager in high school I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. My dad searched everywhere to get me right medical help. We did, but even with the medication I had no desire, no ambition. I felt as if I was in a deep, dark whole and I was most certain I wasn't going to get out of it. Then I turned to God for help and he turned my life around. I was able to conquer my illness and move on with life. I met Phillip and he gave me the extra push and drive to get better. I completely recovered and was good for about 7 years. Then it came back. I recently found out that indeed depression is in my family. To say that this feeling is overwhelming would be an understatement. All I want to do is sit on the couch and do absolutely nothing.

I tried to think what triggered my depression. I think I except too much from myself in every aspect of my life, being a mother, keeping the house clean and organized, being socially active, play dates, fitness (will explain more), being a wife. It all might sound like a cake walk for most people, but as for me all those little things added up. I should have know better and seek help when I noticed the early symptoms. By the time I went in I was an emotional wreck.

I was able to get some medication to help through this and I am so glad I went in. I know that most people can't understand what depression is. People may think that one can just snap out of it, but it doesn't work like that.

Update October 8:
I am doing so much better. I am only taking one medication instead of three. I don't like to take meds but they were necessary for my well being and for my family's as well. If I wasn't good I could not care for them. I decided to stop taking the other two meds slowly and my body has been doing good for about 2 weeks.

I am so grateful for the support Phillip showed up to me during those difficult and challenging weeks. He was my rock, he will always be my rock. 💜😃🌞🌈🌻