Don't Even know where to start

This is a very personal post for me. I decided to write to let it out of my chest. I have been struggling. As a teenager in high school I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. My dad searched everywhere to get me right medical help. We did, but even with the medication I had no desire, no ambition. I felt as if I was in a deep, dark whole and I was most certain I wasn't going to get out of it. Then I turned to God for help and he turned my life around. I was able to conquer my illness and move on with life. I met Phillip and he gave me the extra push and drive to get better. I completely recovered and was good for about 7 years. Then it came back. I recently found out that indeed depression is in my family. To say that this feeling is overwhelming would be an understatement. All I want to do is sit on the couch and do absolutely nothing.

I tried to think what triggered my depression. I think I except too much from myself in every aspect of my life, being a mother, keeping the house clean and organized, being socially active, play dates, fitness (will explain more), being a wife. It all might sound like a cake walk for most people, but as for me all those little things added up. I should have know better and seek help when I noticed the early symptoms. By the time I went in I was an emotional wreck.

I was able to get some medication to help through this and I am so glad I went in. I know that most people can't understand what depression is. People may think that one can just snap out of it, but it doesn't work like that.

Update October 8:
I am doing so much better. I am only taking one medication instead of three. I don't like to take meds but they were necessary for my well being and for my family's as well. If I wasn't good I could not care for them. I decided to stop taking the other two meds slowly and my body has been doing good for about 2 weeks.

I am so grateful for the support Phillip showed up to me during those difficult and challenging weeks. He was my rock, he will always be my rock. 💜😃🌞🌈🌻

Pijama Party with Kenzie

 I had forgotten about these pictures. The girls had a great night and Maya sure wants to do it again. These girls are so cute to watch, so dramatic and funny. Maya told me the other day, "Mom, do you have a girl friend? I do, her name is McKenzie."

Phillip

 As the Elders Quorum president of our ward, Phillip was able to attend a meeting three weeks ago. He came home feeling spiritually uplifted and I could tell he had a great experience meeting an apostle of God. Phillip I admire you, and your dedication to the church makes me love you even more. Thanks for being a good example to me.

LINCOLN LOVES BODHI

APRICOT JAM

I MADE JAM FOR THE FIRST TIME. I think it turned out well for being my first time.

Water Balloon Fight

Kenzie came for a playdate and the girls had so much fun. They were not happy when Janna, her mom came to pick her up. Later that day we decided to invite her for a sleepover. I will post pictures of that later.
Some of the things we did:
-went for a walk
-water balloon fight
-jumped in the pool
-played dress up
-read books
-made crowns
-made candy bracelets
Kids are so fun, but also very exhausting. :p

 

Barnes and Noble

It is my goal to read at least three classic books to the girls this summer. We picked Pinochio, A Little Princess and Peter Pan. We also had a collection of classic fairytales with 15 stories. The girls and I started with A Little Princess and so far Maya and I love it. It might be too much for Addi but I will continue to try. We are signing them up for the Kern Library Summer Reading program and at the end of the summer they get a book and some goodies. I can't forget the ice cream party at the end.

Girls' Date

Maya and I played makeup because she wanted to look like Maleficent.

Today I took the girls to watch the movie. Maya and Addi loved it.

She put on lipstick and did a great job!

Maleficent

Oh my goodness...the Disney film, Maleficent was amazing! The costumes, the makeup, the story line was just plain awesome. I loved it! I can't wait for Halloween. I need to start working on my costume. Angelina Jolie is a beauty and played the role very well. I won't give any spoilers, but I bet you that from now on you will look at her in a different light.
Thanks Holly for going with me on opening day!

Well,well...

Alinta

Alinta is from the Marshall Islands. She was baptized yesterday and confirmed by Phillip this morning. She has a sweet spirit and we are all so happy for her and her grandson, Niki who also was baptized.
Phillip has been going with the missionaries and teaching her every Friday for a while. When the missionaries told her she could choose who to confirm her she chose Phillip. I felt the spirit very strongly as Phillip spoke and blessed her. I was glad to have been able to witness her baptism, it reminded me of the day I was baptized. It brought tears to my eyes and reminded me of how blessed I am to have the true gospel in my life.
Alinta always wears these beautiful flower crowns and I have told her a couple times that I like to see her wearing them. Today she brought one for me. I love it! :) 

A short letter to Lincoln

Cute boy, you have stolen my heart. Your little voice is like music to my ears and the way you say mama and mami to me melts my heart. You are always like a little ray of sunshine in the mornings, so happy and excited for the day. You never stop moving and are always exploring every crack of our home. Since you started walking you have discovered that you can get to and into things much faster. It is hard for me to keep up with you. I wish time would slow down. Each day that passes by you are a baby less and less. You are such a blessing to your entire family. You are and will always be our little boy. We all love you. Please, slow down...you are growing to fast.
Love,
     Mama

A couple pictures I took with my phone at Knotts

Swimmimg with Lita

Martie loves to swim as much as the girls love the water, so it only made sense to jump in the pool when she was here. She is such a fun grandma and the kids love her, so do I. Thanks Martie for always being so loving and kind to us. You have a special place in my heart.

Maya is a Preschool Grad

Our 5 yr. old Maya is ready to move on to kindergarten. We had a little celebration yesterday afternoon. They sang a couple songs, told us their favorite thing about preschool and they received a certificate of completion. They swam afterwards and ate yummy treats. Phillip was able to be a part of it and I am happy he was able to be there. 

Here are some pictures:

Maya

Brett

Caleb

Eleanor 

Maya is a giant compared to these kids, they are all her age expect for Eleanor who is turning 5 in September. 

Day 4- Laguna Hills Memorial Day Half and Kid Races

We all woke up bright and early to head over to the start line for my half. I got there 20 minutes before the start and still had to use the potty. The lines were so long and I really had to go. I waited until my turn and ended up missing the start by a least 3-4 minutes. I was annoyed because then I was stuck with all the walkers and jogging strollers. But then it cleared out and I was able to run without having to find a crack and  pass people. I honestly think they have to start the 5k, 10k and Half at different times. There were just too many people. The course was a tough one and  it was hot and humid, but I knew I had to push through. I gave it my all! Phillip and I want to make this a family tradition. We want to go for the weekend and repeat all the activities we just did every year. The kids races were so fun to watch. Maya did a great job running the 1/2 mile kid race. She never stopped and kept a good pace. Phillip ended up running it with her in jeans and boots. He was so sweaty at the end of the race. We though she was going to run it by herself, but then he found out parents could run it with them. He decided to run it with her to give her more confidence and so we didn't have to worry about her getting lost. Addi enjoyed her 50 yard diaper dash, she was upset about her medal being too small. After Phillip telling her how cool her's was she decided she liked it and was content with it.
I loved running this race and can't wait to do it again. Next is Ragnar in Vegas and maybe Napa Valley again. I have a friend flying all the way from Canada to run Ragnar with me. I can't wait!