I don't buy magazines. The only subscription I have is to the Ensign (LDS magazine). I also receive a couple of parenting magazines. But as far as fashion and gossip magazines, I prefer to spend my money in a different way. I am not going to lie, I will flip through the pages of Allure, People Magazine, and others as I wait to check out at Target or the grocery store. I always feel like crap after taking a glance, because all the women on their pages are beautiful and skinny. I hate that feeling. I am so hard on myself.
Growing up I was always obese. There was only a couple of times where I got down to a descent weight. I was inactive and well, I enjoyed food way too much. I look back and wonder why I lived my life that way. Then, I try to remember that I have come far, oh so far. I can run 13+ miles without breaks, I have lost a lot of weight and still, it is not good enough. I always focus on the negative. To be honest, I think I have an eating disorder. I always feel so guilty when I go over 1200 calories. I can never ENJOY a piece of pizza without shame or eat a regular meal without feeling like it's too much. I do anything and everything to avoid eating food that to my eyes is fattening. I step on the scale almost daily, which is stupid because our weight fluctuates every day. I have made so many changes in our diet. We hardly eat red meat. We have gone about half a year without McDonalds, we really don't consume butter and the list can go on and on. You see, compared to the typical American, my family and I eat quite healthy.
But when I look at myself in the mirror I still see a BIG girl. Why? I think society is so hard on us, women. Women are so hard on women. We look at magazine models and they look so different, so "beautiful." I know most of those pictures are photoshopped and not 100% real, but I always have the desire to look like them. What can I do to stop hurting myself with all my negative thoughts? How can I enjoy a normal meal without pain. I need help.
Maya had lunch and played with her little friends.
We also swam in my friends pool. It was so refreshing. I have decided that we need a pool in our house.
She played with Caleb in her little pool.
Caleb enjoying his chocolate.
Caleb tried to kiss her.
They watched a little bit of a movie and had dinner.
It's blurry, but I can still read it.
Gladys' mother pinning her.
I had to include this one because Caleb is smiling.
Excuse my hideous hair, but I only had 10 minutes to get ready.
We have been playing in the pool.
Enjoying the sun.
Wearing our TOMS. Phillip got the burlap ones.
And my mamá made these awesome pillows for us.
Gracias Mami!
Happy B-day dad!
